A Student Nurse's Prayer

My semester has been a roller coaster of l-o-n-g, stressful, exciting, tear filled weeks. But the end is here! When I stood at the end of August looking towards December I thought I would never make it (ha, talk about being dramatic)! The amount of profiles, projects, and clinicals were overwhelming so I resolved that I would pray my way through school and take one day at a time. We're not guaranteed tomorrow so why worry about it right? (That's the challenge that was laid before me during one of my devotions) Well, it's crazy to think that 16 weeks are done and I have a nice four weeks at home to look forward to. No books (well big textbooks that cost an arm and leg), no profiles, and no tests.

I want to give a shout out to two very special people first. I'm not sure if they'll read this but my roommates  have been more than great with me. From listening to my silly hospital stories, to cooking dinner on busy nights, to rejoicing over good test grades with me, or providing a little encouragement during the especially tough weeks - thanks guys. I truly could not have gotten this far without your help!

Here  are my lovely roommates at our Christmas Party (from left to right: me, Alison, and Nicole)

Ok here is a student nurse's prayer that I came across recently. I think it sums up my semester pretty well!

THE STUDENT NURSE'S PRAYER 

Lord: I know we go through this every day but please give me the knowledge as to why I actually wanted to go to nursing school. Lord, give me the strength to make it through those boring three hour lectures without falling asleep. Lord, please give me the patience to make it through twelve hour clinicals with instructors that can't just give you the right answer and on the same note, give the nurses the ability to remember what it was like to be a student and give us just a little more respect. Lord, give me the endurance to read all the assigned readings and be able to remember it when I am taking a test with four right answers. Lord, give my family and friends the ability to realize I really am on the edge of insanity. Finally, Lord, give me the vision to see that one day I will be a real nurse and I will never have to wear this ugly uniform again. Amen.

Broken

Healthcare is all about fixing the "broken." When things don't work right doctors and nurses are there to help shed light on what is ailing our bodies, treat the problem, and ease our pain.

The only qualification is that we come.

When I'm at home I work at a doctor's office doing filing work and occasionally help the medical assistants. I have found over the last few words that there are 3 types of patients out there. There are those who call about every bump, bruise, or cough and want to be seen PRONTO. Then there are those who annually come for their check-up. And finally there are those who put off coming at all costs (some haven't been seen in decades!).

Lately I've been the third type of patient, not physically but spiritually. I hit a wall along the road of life and found myself in a hurt, let down, and angry place. I had been in the Word daily, seeking God's face, and praying diligently and yet I felt completely broken. I wasn't apathetic but I was weary and I knew where I needed to go. To the Great Physician. Up until a week ago I had spent my mornings in the minivan (the time I usually pray) in silence. I told God I no longer knew what to pray and so I was just going to sit in His presence. I couldn't see past the "wall" and I needed Him more than ever. Later that week while listening to a Podcast by Angela Thomas, who was speaking on the Sermon on the Mount, I realized one thing. God is truly the Great Physician and He can help shed light on what is ailing our spirit, treat the problem, and ease our pain.

The only qualification is that we come.

I think Angela did a great job with her interpretation (the one she whole heartily believes is from God) of the Sermon on the Mount found in Matthew 5. She was explaining how most the times this passage is preached it is taught from the "you gotta be this" and "you gotta be that" for God to bless you. Well she believes the passage is more "if you are this" and "you are that" then God can bless you BUT you've got to be willing to come up the mountain to where He is with the truth of who we are and be willing to lay it at his feet. *I encourage you to take a moment and read the passage.* I couldn't be stubborn and put off going to the Physician anymore. I was "poor in spirit" (Matthew 5:3a) - completely broken and couldn't do it on my own anymore. Jesus, my personal Lord and Savior, the one who died for every human being was calling out to me and saying Come my child.

And so I came.

I had read in a blog (http://audreycaroline.blogspot.com/2008/05/past-and-pitcher.html) that throwing pottery could be a form of therapy. Angie Smith, the writer of this particular blog described how God had called her to smash a pitcher, symbolizing her life, and then spent time with God putting it back together. I knew after reading it that that is what God wanted me to do too. My roommates and I were having a "roomie night" and so I pitched the idea to them. They were totally on board (that's why I love them!).

I decided I was going to go up the mountain to my Lord with the truth of who I was. As I smashed the ceramic mug (Gotta love being a college student on a budget! We couldn't find pitchers for a decent price so we settled for a Dollar Store mug.) I yelled the things that were breaking me on the inside. I yelled about failing to get into nursing school the first time around which has put me on the 5-year-plan in college, not knowing what to do with my nursing degree, being single and feeling lonely, finding out that the guy I have had a crush on since I can remember and whom I thought had requited feelings recently started dating someone, my sister leaving in less than a month for a year, not being secure in myself, and overall being discontent with the way life was playing out.

As I smashed the mug I felt an immediate release (I'm pretty sure our neighbors wondered what the heck was going on on our porch). There my life was in a hundred pieces. I scooped up the pieces, grabbed a hot glue gun, and had at it.

Here I am putting the pieces back together.

Here is the finished piece. Not perfect but nontheless whole.

Sitting at the kitchen table that night as I was putting the mug (my life) back together God began to speak to me very clearly. Each piece of the shattered mug was a part of me, the real me (the person I can't hide from God). The process of putting the mug back together was not easy. Just when I thought I had it figured out a piece would come along that didn't quite fit and I would have to start all over again. My fingers got cut up and glue was everywhere. But that's how life isn't it? Just when we think we have it figured out something comes along and we find ourselves lost or in a mess. It's a rough road sometimes and we will forever wear the scars. BUT there is always someone we can turn to - the Great Physician.

I don't have all the answers and I still hurt but I woke up the next day and realized that this precious life I have been given is not about me (you know that wall I couldn't see past, yeah it was myself) it's about honoring the One who gave it to me. I "thirst for righteousness" (Matthew 5:6) so I will hold my mug (my life) up to the only One who can fill it. It may be broken but God has filled in those cracks with His love, grace, and forgiveness and I am WHOLE.

I don't know what life holds BUT God does. It may not be what I have planned but one thing I am learning every day is that His plan is far better than anything I could have ever dreamed. So for now I am resting at His feet and allowing Him to use my life to pour out onto others.

I'll leave you with these words from Jeremy Camp's song "Walk By Faith" that just so "happened" to be playing on the radio as I told God I was going to be silent in His presence until He showed me what to do...

"well I will walk by faith, even when I cannot see, because this BROKEN road prepares Your will for me..."

Hospital and Hotel are NOT synonymous

I vividly remember one of the first things my clinical instructor said before my first hospital experience sophmore year. It was that we [the nursing students] "needed to realize that when patients are in the hospital they are there to get better, if they wanted to relax and rest they could go to a hotel." That struck me very odd because I thought that the point of hospitalization was to rest so that you could get better but in my inexperience I kept my mouth shut and went on my way. Fast forward to this year. As I sit at the end of my first semester junior year (I can't believe it's almost over!), having completed eleven eight hour and two twelve hour shifts I think I finally understand.

As nurses we make beds, fluff pillows, provide toiletries, and bring snacks and drinks to our "guest's" rooms, much like housekeepers at hotels, to make their stay that much nicer. BUT we are also the ones who enter our "guests" rooms before the crack of dawn to reposition them in their bed, much to their dismay. We rouse them every so often to assess their vital signs, take a glucose reading, or provide them with their scheduled medications. We are also the ones who make them get up out of their comfortable warm bed to sit up in the chair or take a stroll down the ever so beautifully decorate hospital hallway. Through the complaining, grinding of teeth, grimacing looks, and protests we do it because these measures are best for our patients. What they don't realize is that even though getting up and moving is painful and exhausting it will help them get better faster. More times than not our patients can't see the end when they are in midst of battling a disease so it's our job to come along side them. We push them to do things they don't want to do so they can heal. Don't get me wrong, nurses do provide periods of rest throughout the day but those are hardly ever protested :) The revelation that hospitals are not hotels came to me in the strangest yet most practical way...

Every morning on my way to where ever I am heading for that day I pray, it's a time I look forward to most in my day. It's just me and God in my minivan. These last few weeks have kind of been rough for me, I feel lost in life (I'll explain later). A time that is usually filled with words right up until I arrive at my destination has been replaced with silence. I told God that I did not know what to pray anymore and so I was just going to sit in His presence. One day recently as I was sitting at a red light I was thinking about what I had read in "Lady in Waiting" and all of a sudden it hit me. God, the ultimate caretaker, sometimes makes us do things we don't want to do in order to make us "better." Even when we cannot see the big picture He can. He will hold our hands through the tears, He will provide all our needs, and He will walk with us through the tough times to get us to where He wants us to be if we just let Him.

God has pulled me out of "my bed" and is asking me to walk through this part of my life and trust that He has my best interests at heart. I may not like it, and I don't but here I am God.

Mrs. Smith is a 94-year-old hard of hearing woman with an advanced case of Alzheimers. Here is what transpired in her room a few weeks ago as I prepared her for transport back to her assisted living home.

Me: "Mrs. Smith you're going home today."

Patient: "I'm going to see Jesus?"

Me (thinking): Oh my word it's true people do see Jesus before they leave this world.

I started checking her breathing pattern, skin color, and O2 sats like a paranoid nursing student thinking that my patient was on her way out when all of a sudden she asked me what I was doing and sat straight up. I then realized she had simply misunderstood me.

Each Friday I walk into the hospital dreading the day ahead but by the end of the shift my attitude has completely changed, I walk out excited for the next Friday. If I'm honest I am very fearful of the unknown and knowing someone's life is essentially in my hand is scary. I must be alert to all kinds of changes in the patient and be ready to care for all kinds of needs. It's scary. I am terrified of failure and not doing my job correctly. But what I have come to realize is that I want to be the best nurse. I want to be exceptionally knowledgeable, attuned to my patient so I catch problems early/as soon as they present, and loving beyond compare. I want all of this not to be "the best" but THE BEST FOR MY PATIENT's SAKE. If someone had to take care of my family members I would want that for them.

I still have a lot to learn and experience and I will never know everything. What I do know is from now on I am going to seek out new experiences and try my hand at new skills even if they are terrifying.

Here are some various stories/lessons from the last few weeks in the hospital...

• Who would have ever guessed that I would give a patient marijuana? Apparently it is balled up in pill form as an appetite stimulator. Ha, go figure that the "munchies" could come in handy...nutrition is vital to a patient's recovery!
• Two things that I have a hard time stomaching - wads of hair (you know like the kind you find in the bathtub drain) and saliva/mucous. I don't know what it is about those things but I instantly want to gag. My more recent patient, Mr. Hill, had a tracheostomy. Naturally they tend to have a lot of secretions that come either out of the trach tube OR if they are fortunate enough they can cough up. The Lord must have really wanted to desensitize me to saliva/mucous because my patient spent the whole shift coughing it up into a mouth basin that I had to hold. Don't get me wrong I felt for this 85-year-old man that could not breathe adequately but when he coughed up phlegm on my arm because he didn't turn his head fast enough for the basin I almost lost my lunch. Being professional of course I just smiled and asked him if he felt better now that his mucous was cleared!
• A sick adult is never to old for a hot compress to make an irritated eye better, a straw for their drink, or a back massage to help their back pain disappear. I often think of the things my mom did for me as a child to make me feel better and apply them to my nursing practice. It's the simple things that make all the difference!
• A confused essentially wheelchair bound patient will try and make a run for it if given the chance. Mrs. Oliver is a 90-year-old woman whose legs cannot move as quickly as her brain anymore but that did not stop her from trying to get out of her wheelchair. Good thing she was sitting on a saddle like contraption that did not allow her to slip/move out of the wheelchair because twice I came back to check on her and she was tapping her feet and leaning forward. As soon as I stepped in the door she would grin and sit back up. She wanted badly to get back in bed - can't say I blame her but she needed the "up in the chair" therapy.
• Getting the hang of diapering an adult is difficult. I still seem to put them on backwards or rip them when trying to situate them under one's hiney. I feel terrible because the patient has to roll back and forth multiple times all exposed before I get it right - they must think I'm an idiot. I'm determined to perfect the diapering process before the end of the semester.

Nursing = team sport

"NO MAN IS AN ISLAND"

This is what our instructors told us during our pre-clinical meeting and it's been playing in my head ever since. I was very hesitant to go into junior year because of all the hype of what you had to do, how little time you had to do it in, and all that you have to know. Three weeks in and you know what I've learned, no man is an island. I don't have to do this on my own. Not only is God holding my hand through this (yes I honestly believe He is holding my hand - leading me to the finish line otherwise I'd be a big baby running in the other direction) but I have my classmates to bounce ideas off of, ask questions, and talk through situations that arise. God didn't design us to be "islands," He gave us each other and I constantly have to remind myself that.

Even though I'm heading into week four I have only had one patient. Mr. Mason cannot talk, is contractured (which means his muscles are stiff so he doesn't move), and is completely reliant on nursing staff to take care of all his needs. It kind of broke my heart to know that when he left the hospital and headed back to his nursing home that he wouldn't be taken care of spectacularly. Because he can't talk or move he is the prime candidate to be over looked. What a humbling experience to bathe another grown human being, to change their soiled diaper, to feed them through a PEG tube (this tube goes directly from outside the abdomen into the stomach), and to physically position him until he is comfortable (guessing of course since he can't really communicate). I often wondered as I was talking to him what he thought of this student nurse that kept waking him up to move him around!

It's hard sometimes as you are smelling the foulest of smells to thank God for the opportunity to be His hands and feet but in the end I know that this is what I'm suppose to be doing.

I have learned that if you want to be a good nurse you will also have to be a bath giver, diaper changer, hair dresser, masseuse, call bell answer, linen changer, dental assistant, counselor, drug dispenser, case breaker, feeder, ear to listen, hand to hold, news breaker, life saver... I never gave nurses the credit they deserve BUT I will from here on out.

*The CNA on our floor just loved on us students all day long. She jumped at any opportunity to share/show us anything "cool." Most of all she loves her patients and is very attentive to their needs (CNA's are also under appreciated especially by the RN's a lot of the time. I hope I will always appreciate my CNA's because they do a lot of the dirty work. AND I MEAN DIRTY!) Well her thing is to take new students down to the morgue. Yes, that is kind of morbid but I hopped right into line to follow her downstairs. When we walked into the morgue I felt like I was in a TV set. I'm not going to lie it was pretty sweet down there. However, the awe of being down there quickly came to a halt when she opened the door to the freezer to show us where we would place our dead patients and we saw a body bag. This wasn't your typical body bag it was one of a child. I know as a nurse we will be faced with death quite often but I was not ready for that. We looked at the record book and sure enough it was a 6 month old baby boy. I could not even begin to process that and wanted to leave to get back to the floor pronto. My heart broke (still breaks) for the family that had to say goodbye to their precious baby. They say you get more accustomed/almost numb to death the more you are around it but at this point in my life (and in experience) I'm just not sure I will ever be numb to death nor do I want to. Death means that someone's somebody is gone from this earth and I want to be sensitive to their grief, not just treat it like another notch on a stick.

Beyond the chart...

(Tyler and I before entering my patient's room for her assessment)

These last few weeks have a been a bit hectic between trying to move into a new apartment, packing to go home, studying for finals, and clinical profiles. It's been go, go, go. I finally have a chance to write a few things about my last two clinical experiences so here it goes.

1. I believe that my professor thought I looked good in yellow, hence why every shift spent at the hospital included a patient on "Contact precautions" which meant I spent the evening putting on and shedding a lovely yellow gown each time I entered and left the room!

2. Miss Hopkins taught me the importance of knowing your patients FULL NAME. I was completely embarrassed when she asked me what her full name was. I knew the initial but I realized that was NOT enough. The person sitting in the bed has not only a story and history but has a name and I should always know it! I would want the person taking care of me to know my name so I should take the extra 30 seconds to make sure I know theirs.

3. Miss Hopkins also taught me that a "nasty" patient with just the right amount of care and listening ear can be a "pleasant" patient. I was not thrilled to find out that once again I had a "nasty" patient. The student on the first shift said "ooo you have room ###, good luck (sarcastically)." I was determined to break her down, ha. Sure enough after responding quickly to her bed pan request, comfortably positioning her ever so often, and just taking five minutes out of my schedule to listen to her hospital experiences I realized she was mean because she had been treated poorly in the past. Not seen as an individual patient with specific needs but rather just room ###. Well lesson learned, everybody is somebody's person and they should be treated accordingly, not seen as just another task in the day. And yes, I did break her down. By the end of the shift she was laughing and calling me "honey."

4. My last patient, Mrs. R, taught me that I should be grateful for a working body that does not suffer pain except for the occasional bumps bruises and cramp. Poor thing was in constant pain and no position was comfortable for her. All I could do was hold her hand and push her hair back (and pray of course!).

 (Here is my clinical group on our last day - its hard to believe sophomore year is over, we're half a nurse as many say!)

(These girls are great)

(Here we are celebrating the end of our time together at dinner!)

Our Own Dr. House

Clinical two is over! Crazy I must admit. This day went much smoother and there was more hands on things to do. When I went to the hospital on Saturday to get my information I was a bit shocked to see that I was assigned Miss A**** yet again. (I must have checked the list ten times to make sure I was reading it correctly.)

I was a bit frustrated but at least my profile wouldn't take me as long! So I got the new information I needed and got out in less than an hour...

Fast forward to Monday afternoon, I showed up to the hospital and my instructor, Mrs. Page, was waiting for us in the lobby. She asked if I would like to do meds with Tyler this week and I kindly agreed (I figured less time with Miss A****, I know my attitude needed a check.)

We reported to the floor at 1445 and I got report from my nurse around 1500. I felt more "at home" this time although I was anticipating giving my first medications. Mrs. Page worked with Tyler and me on the accudose system, which is the computerized medicine dispensing machine. At about 1630 I got the meds out of the machine and carted the C.O.W. (computer on wheels) down the hall towards Miss A****'s room. As I pulled up the medicine screen to scan the patient and the med to make sure they matched my heart about stopped as I realized I would have to give her an insulin shot. Trembling I watched as Miss A**** took the meds and then I talked myself through the injection in my head. As I prepared the insulin Mrs. Page was right beside me reaffirming the steps and telling me I would do fine. All I can remember is pinching Miss A****'s abdomen and hesitating for a moment. In and out it was done! She even said I was a good shot giver, she didn't feel a thing. I was just so relieved! My first shot - the first one in my clinical group!

Before I went into a hyperglycemic state we all made our way to the cafeteria...and thats where the fun began. As we went around the table and invested in each other's lives it felt like a little family! I'm very blessed with a great clinical group - I even have one among me who wants to be a mom first and nurse second (they are rare to come by!), and an instructor who is so helpful at the bedside. She's the perfect mix of crazy, walk you through but with just enough push, loveable nurse instructor. We nicknamed her House because around nine o'clock something goes off in her and she gets a little wild. She sings, laughs at everything, and well looses her mind, ha! She was helping (by sitting in a chair with her leg over the other one talking them through it and asking questions - totally House style) three girls give a patient who was at risk for aspirating medication. She asked one of them to run and get the patient a cup of water. By the time Kati came back the patient had gotten the meds down. So Mrs. Page grabbed the cup, said "Thank You," swigged it and walked out! Later as we were walking across the street to get to our cars she almost ran us over (jokingly of course) but laughed and said "watch out kiddos Dr. House is loose" haha. I will say the relaxed atmosphere she provides gives us the baby steps we need to get our foot in the door and feel comfortable and at ease when in the hospital, where we will spend out life next year!

Highlights:

1. Miss A****'s assessment. She was in a much better mood, I was more thorough, and I even got to understand why she was the way she was. That's what nursing is about - investing in not only the physical condition of the patient but by investing in their life, that is how to make a difference. I LEARNED A BIG LESSON, keep my attitude in check, you never know how God will use you. Even difficult people need to be loved on.

2. Glucose monitoring. I got to do two pricks. I just love doing these. Tyler announced later in the evening that it was "Glucs gone wild" on the floor. Haha, he followed it up by saying "I milked that sucker for minutes straight." I about fell on the floor laughing, he was talking about the patients finger but we all missed that part! Context is key...

3. My first shot! Though I may not remember it all, I feel accomplished and am ready for my next one, any takers????

4.Helping Tyler assess his patient Mrs. B***. Ok this woman was so frail, she was in with a pelvic fracture, but very sweet. She was in her chair when we went in and she wanted to be positioned with the feet up, you know like a recliner. So we pushed the chair back but it would start to go back towards the normal position. Well when the chair would move she would grasp the sides real tight and make this face like she was riding a roller coaster. It was quite comedic, although I felt bad that she was so scared she would fall. 

5. Spending time laughing with my group

I look forward to clinical in two weeks!

Nursling

(Here I am in my oh so lovely uniform - eagerly anticipating the shift before me)

(Oh my way to the hospital!)

When I arrived at the hospital I was surprised at how calm I was. I have learned that I am not so good with anticipating new things but I undoubtedly know that the months of prayer provided me with the calm spirit. Once my clinical group assembled we discussed the logistics of the day, such as partners, contact precautions, how to contact our instructor, what to assess for, charting...you know all the good stuff. We prayed (how cool is it to be able to pray as a group over the day ahead of us with our teacher?!) and hit the elevator. A nurse ending her shift giggled as ten of us filled onto the elevator after our instructor. "It's always exciting to see nurslings," was her comment to us. With a "good luck" we were on our way to floor two.

We stepped out of the elevator and reported to our nurses. This is the first thing she said to me, "I am so sorry you have to have Miss A as your first patient. She is very confused, cries at everything, and is very needy." *Ok it is never a good sign when you hear I am sorry. Ha. After report I suited up (my patient was on contact precautions for MRSA so every time I went into the room I had to wear a bright yellow gown and gloves) and walked confidently into the room. The first few minutes were fine. Miss A was very compliant and pleasant. Then something snapped. She started crying that her hair hurt. She needed pain meds (which I was not allowed to give her) and as I continued to preform the assessment she looked up at me and said "If you were a real nurse I would take my gun and shoot you." Shocked and caught of guard I tried not to let any emotion show and I said "good thing I'm not a real nurse eh?" I calmly explained that I had to keep assessing her and laughed to myself of course I would be the one to get the difficult patient the first day. Guess its just a glimpse of my future eh?

Granted I had to keep in mind Miss A was in a lot of  pain (she had had the screws in her femur removed because they had gotten infected) and confused, and just wanted to "go back to her people" at her nursing home. My mission was to stay calm, make her as comfortable as I could, and not take the insults or anger personally.

Highlights of my experience:

Helping the wound nurse change Miss A's dressing ( I thought I would be freaked out seeing a deep wound but actually it was neat to see the bone through the missing tissue)

Take Miss A's glucose reading with the glucometer (I thought I would have a hard time pricking someone but it was easy and I really enjoyed it as strange as that sounds)

Helping the nurse put the bed pan under Miss A (Miss A was in a diaper but she was able to tell the nurse sometimes if she had to go so to help her keep her dignity the bed pan was offered. I never realized what a daunting task getting someone on a bed pan can be. We must have rolled Miss A back and forth 10 times while roughly pushing the bedpan under to get the right position. Finally it was in place after urine had already gotten on the wet sheet! At least she got some in the bedpan and felt better!) 

Listening to Tyler's patient's bruit. (Tyler got a really nice patient. He was on dialysis and had a shunt thing in his arm and he patiently allowed each of us to listen to the bruit!)

Listening to Moriah's patient's heart murmur. (This man was 90 something and hilarious. When six girls walked in he lit up. He was loving the attention. He asked Tyler why he hadn't asked any of us out. haha. When I told him that I would be listening to his heart he was like "sure thing hunny" and began to lower his gown! Then as we were leaving he was like "hey hunny" and waved his finger in a circle at me. Too much!)

Although at the end of the shift my legs ached and trying to figure out charting on the computer left me frustrated and exhausted I realized that nursing is definitely going to be an adventure. I have to say that I am excited for next week!

Hi my name is Emily and I'll be your student nurse...

So the "big" day has approached quickly, about 14 hours away to exact....

I have been praying for months for a calm and confident spirit as I walk in my first day and I have also prayed over my patient (asking that it not be too complicating a case or a mean spirited patient!).

Saturday I went to the hospital with my clinical partner Tyler to gather our patient information so we could start writing our patient profiles. All dressed in "professional dress" and wearing our pressed lab coats we hopped on the elevator and road to the second floor (we're on the orthopedic floor). It was scary and yet exciting. I totally felt like I was part of Grey's Anatomy, ha, although I'm sure I looked like a first-timer as I stumbled to choose which way to get around the nurses station. Right or left seems simple until you have to make the choice ha! Anyways what should have taken an hour took us about two and a half. Navigating the computer system was quite challenging, especially when you get locked out twice! (That would be my luck right?!)

As scary as it is to think that I will be caring for someone tomorrow it was so neat to be sitting at a desk reading about the patient I have prayed for for so many months! The problems and interventions we read about and practice in lab were right in front of my face. And while I sympathize with the patient who has to endure the hardships, it's neat to see my knowledge be applied.

Anyways, on my way out of the hospital I stepped into the crosswalk and low and behold there was a shiny penny laying in the street! For those who don't know my story behind pennies I will share it some other time but all I could do was smile. Tyler thought I was crazy for picking it up, I mean to him it was just a penny, but I neatly tucked it in my lab coat pocket and said "Thank you God." I'm sure tomorrow I will be a little nerved but I know that when I walk into that hospital God is with me. I am going to be His hands and feet tomorrow and that excites me!

Spring fever runs rampant

A fever is indicative of something gone wrong in the body, most likely an infection. 

Spring fever not only is the result of over-loaded, cooped up, poor, do the same-old same-old with the same crowd college students but it is also INFECTIOUS.

This morning I woke up to this...

After digging the "fun bus" out from underneath it's "blanket" I realized I am in much need of some sunshine and family.

Don't get me wrong, I thoroughly enjoyed my snow day (and got a kick out of watching those who haven't grown up around snow frolic around in the white powder) but I have lost all motivation to accomplish anything. I feel (actually know) I am not the only one. Put us in a room and we accomplish a whole lot of nothing together! Ha. 

Praise the Lord break is but a few days away! A little bit of r&r does the soul good.

Failure...

One of the first things you learn in nursing school is how to take vital signs. Then you move onto assessing patients, and eventually get to the "good stuff," like urinary catheters and injections. That's where I'm at right now and while I love practicing my skills in the lab I have this weight on my shoulders about actually having to preform the skills on a real patient. 

Sure it's one thing to joke about sticking the NG tube in a brain but what if it actually happens? Someone's life is going to be in my hands and that is a lot of pressure. 

My mom told me once that ever since I was young if I thought I was going to fail at something I wouldn't give it a shot. Avoidance worked as a child but now I'm afraid I can't run. This is real life and a calling I believe the Lord has given me (and we all know what happened to Jonah when he ran, I'd like to keep my feet on land thank you very much!).  

I know I'm a student so mistakes are bound to happen, it's part of the learning process. But a mistake in a hospital can be deadly, this isn't putting the wrong mix-in in the ice cream (not to knock Cold Stone workers). I just get very scared and want to run when I have to embark on unfamiliar terrain. I still have a few weeks till I will actually have my first eight hour shift at the hospital but as each week passes I get a little more anxious. In know at the end of the semester I will look back and say "silly me" for being so scared but until then I pray every morning for confidence, a calm spirit, and that my first patient will be a good learning experience.