Confessions of a Soon-to-Be Graduate Nurse

I was tossing and turning last for no particular reason so I began to think of some of my not-so-fine student nursing moments and I thought I would share! WARNING some of these are pretty gross (i.e # 1 & 5). 

1. I once slightly threw up in my mouth when my patient missed the emesis bin and ended up spitting sputum from his trach on my arm. Did I mention that proper etiquette would be to swallow the throw up since making sure he was breathing well, not running to the bathroom, was my priority? Gross I know.

2. I was trying to pull the cap off a needle once and ended up putting the needle through my index finger and into my thumb. Embarrassed I got a new needle drew up the medication, wrapped my profusely bleeding fingers in a napkin, and administered the IV med without the patient or nurse knowing what I had done. It was a tiny hole through and through but that thing killed for weeks! Needless to say I developed a needle cap phobia until this past semester when one of my instructors taught me how to properly take a cap off. You're probably thinking how hard can it be? I'm here to tell you its a little harder than you think (at least that's what I tell myself).

3. I cried once on the floor. Watching my ICU patient's family gather around his bed as he was leaving this world and hearing them recite Psalms 23 as they cried out to our God was so heart wrenching. I did not have time to excuse myself to the bathroom before the tears started coming.

4. Sometimes I would pretend to go to the bathroom so I could sit just for a few minutes to gather my thoughts during my long shifts. (Don't judge - they say you do your best thinking in the bathroom!). 

5. I had a patient who was restrained to the bed by wrist restraints and mittens (it was for his own protection, he was missing part of his skull and was very confused. Oh and he liked to touch the nurses and grab at them when his hands were free so I suppose it was a benefit to all). He was having multiple loose bowel movements. Lets just say I have never seen that amount come out of a human being. Anyways, I went to check on him for the third time in an hour when I realized it had happened again. I really felt for the guy. It went everywhere and required us to change him and the sheets each time. Well I went to untie his arm so we could start to clean him up and as I was leaning over he touched my face with his mitten. Then I saw it. (brace yourself) Feces on his mitten!!! Which meant feces was on my cheek!! I froze. Yes I cared that my patient was sitting in his own excrement but now it was on my face and that was ALL I could think of. The nurse helping me looked at me with the most straight face and said "I'll hold him dear. I think you need to wash your face." I THINK she was right. Also my sister was right when she called me "poopy face" but she was a decade to early!

Well. there you have it! A few of my not-so-finest moments! Hopefully they didn't totally gross you out. I should get back to studying (only ten more days to go!). I promise my next post will be of more substance. For now I will leave you with a picture of one of my favorite clinical groups. We survived the ICU together.

The Widow Next Door

She sat in a chair at our kitchen bar as Katie and I cooked lunch. From the moment she entered the door she had not stopped talking; recounting how life was the past week, her exercise routine, grandkids, and then delving into more serious topics such as the struggle of loosing her husband.

Katie had met her a few weeks prior when she was moving out of our apartment building into a one across the way and decided we should invite her over for lunch. I LOVED the idea and was very excited to meet this mystery woman. I just love older people.

Well here she was in the flesh; a widow who obviously just wanted someone to talk to.

As we ate lunch I noticed she pushed her food around, taking an occasional bite. I figured it was just because she was telling us all about her life with her husband; a topic she obviously could talk for days about and brought her such joy.

It was hard to hold the tears back as she explained to us that her husband had been diagnosed with brain bleeds six years ago. With a grim diagnosis, she would become the caretaker of the strong independent man that had taken care of her for forty some years. She told how at the age of 59 she had to go get a driver's license because she did not have one and he would not be able to drive to and from doctors appointments. She explained the agony of watching the man she loved deteriorate before her very eyes. Her best friend, the love of her life, the father of her children was dying before her very eyes a slow and painful death and there was nothing she could do about it. Her vow of "in sickness and in health" was living itself out as she cared for the man who was becoming "someone [she] hadn't married."

She started crying as she told of a day when he said something nasty to her. Though she could not remember what the words I could tell they broke her heart. "He would never have said those things to me and that is when I knew it wouldn't be long. The bleeding in the brain was too much."

...fast forward to last week....


I was assigned a geriatrics paper where I had to interview an older adult on their life. I knew from the beginning I was going to interview her. Plus I had not seen her in a few weeks so I knew this was the perfect opportunity to check-in on her.


She agreed and she began to tell her life story to me again as I feverishly wrote down all the details. With the one year anniversary of his death approaching and the holidays I could tell the subject of her husband's death was not going to go over well. When it hit 2004 in the story telling she began to sob.


My heart ached for this woman.


She kept apologizing and I reassured her it was ok to cry. By this time I was a blubbery mess myself (is that any surprise?).


I reached out to hold her hand and in my heart I knew I shouldn't push the subject so we moved on.


The next section to my project was the health history. So I asked. I was not prepared for what was about to come next.


"You're a nurse" (well not really but most people don't see a huge difference between nurse and student when it comes to discussing issues so I let her continue) "so I feel like I can tell you this because it's been a heavy burden for me to carry by myself. I can't bare to tell my girls because they have been through so much the last few years. In 2004 before my husband was diagnosed with his brain disorder I was diagnosed with Parkinson's."


She continued to tell me that the diagnosis was put on the back burner because she needed to focus on her husband. Well six years have past and the symptoms have begun to rear their ugly face. She flat out told me she was still in denial. The fear of a disease with no cure, watching her husband deteriorate from a brain disorder, the family history of brain tumors, and not being a fan of medicine has paralyzed her from seeking help.


I sat there as she held out her arm that shook violently (no wonder she always held it close to her body). She told me how she found herself tiring easily, being dizzy quite often, struggling to carry her groceries in the house, forgetting simple things (and not the occasional we all have lost our heads and forgotten something, she has to write things on 3x5 cards so she does not forget), sleeping problems and body stiffness. Then the most concerning of all symptoms "lately I have had to face the fact that this is getting worse because I am having trouble swallowing." Remember how I said she pushed her food around her plate? We packed her food up for her that day because she said she wasn't hungry at the moment but would eat it later. The truth was she has to cut her food up into tiny pieces and eat slowly so she doesn't choke but she did not want to have to tell anyone that.


As I sat there offering up a few suggestions and the little bit of education I knew from classes I encouraged her to seek medical treatment and to tell her girls.


Here sat a woman who is ill but won't tell her girls because she is afraid of the burden it will put on them.  She needs help with simple things like carrying in her groceries but she won't ask for help. She's still grieving the loss of her husband and adjusting to life without someone to talk to at the end of the day when everyone else is with their families. She's lonely and scared yet she fondly and openly talks about her Jesus who has and is carrying her through the tough moments. A devote woman of prayer she told me that she is "living life like she is dying. If I got to heaven tonight at least I will be with my Jesus and my husband and I can't think of a better place."


I went home crying. Not just because of the sad story but because God was breaking my heart that day.


How many times have I gotten caught up in the busyness of my life or flat out ignored the prompting of the Holy Spirit to talk to someone that God has brought into my path? More than I would like to say. 


Those are divine appointments.


If Katie had not stopped to talk to her as she was moving out we would not have gotten to know her. I wouldn't have done my project on her and I would not have realized there are a lot more things going on here than the surface would let on. Now I know to watch for when she brings groceries home so I can help. I know to leave encouraging messages on her door. I know to stop by every once in a while just to make sure she is doing ok.


Granted nursing opens a door to privy information but what I learned that day is I need to open my mouth, invest in people, and love others the way Jesus calls us to. (Luke 10:27)


I am reading a devotion book on 52 women of the Bible and I think God is trying to drill home a point because my most recent woman was Dorcas. Her story is in Acts 9:32-43. In verse 36 she is introduced as a believer who "was always doing kind things for others and helping the poor." Well Dorcas dies and the widows of the town all come to mourn her death. They are distraught because she was the one that took care of them, providing homemade cloths for them. Those who knew her heard that Peter was in town, he had been healing people in Lydda, and went to get him because they knew that he could bring her back. Peter comes, he prays, and helps Dorcas up from the bed where she had been laid. News spread and God got all the glory. It is said that "many believed in the Lord (v.42)." 


God has really been working on my heart lately about what kind of ministry I will have when I finally am living in a place for more than a few months at a time (yeah for graduation!). While I still don't know what it is or will look like God is gently molding my heart for what is to come. This story has caused me to think. Will I be known first of all as a believer? Will my actions reflect those of Christ (i.e loving the unlovable, taking care of the "forgotten" or lonely, etc...)? Does the way I live push others to Christ? 


I am very thankful that my mother did not decide to name me Dorcas but I want my life to look like hers. How do you want your life to look?

Well Hello Weekend

It's Thursday night and my weekend has begun! Of course there is homework to be done, dishes to be cleaned, laundry to be washed, and dirt crying to be sucked off the rug BUT I do not have to be anywhere for the next three days and that my friend is a wonderful thing. This is so rare for me and so for now I am sitting on my couch with Criminal Minds (reminds me of Kathryn!) on in the background basking in the fact that I could stay up all night and sleep in all day tomorrow. I won't haha but the fact is I COULD if I wanted to.

A few days ago I was given an award of sorts by a fellow blogger Rachel. She is from back home and blogs primarily to keep her family updated on what's going on in her life while her husband is stationed in Groton, CT (they're a navy family). I'm what you would classify a "blog stalker" of her because she is always posting pictures of her adorable son Brennan who has the best baby hair I have ever seen. Don't believe me? Check it out: Calton Corner

I started this blog because we were encouraged to write about our journey through nursing school. I started solely writing what happened during clinical and then one day I realized I needed to start writing what God was teaching me through this crazy stage of life. So that's where I am at now. I haven't been the best at updating this year; lets face it "free time" is hard to come by. But I was honored to get "the Versatile Award" because its nice to know others who read it might get something out of it!

To accept this award one must: 

*link back to the person who gave you the award

*share 7 things about yourself

*pass it along to other blogs you enjoy

*make sure you tell your awardees about the award so they can repost

Hmm lets see 7 things about myself....

1. I love hotels. A lot of people think I am crazy and complain that they are dirty (which they probably are) but there is something about jumping laying on the freshly made bed with fluffed pillows, living out of suitcases, little soaps in the bathroom, and room service that makes my heart happy.

2. Growing up I wanted to be a marine biologist and work with Shamu at SeaWorld. For my ninth birthday my aunt took us to SeaWorld and I saved all my money just to buy a Shamu stuffed animal!

3. Clumps of hair make me gag and creep me out.

4. My first car was a baby blue 1988 Dodge Aries K. I thought when it died and my parents let me drive their mini van I was stepping up in the world. Now I drive a 1996 Buick Century that does not lock, one functioning window, and is missing part of the bottom of the car because it rotted off! Talk about a humbling ride :)

5. The thing I am most indecisive about is whether or not I should cut my hair.

6. I'm not up on the latest fashions or dress to impress BUT I do love high heels and I will look for any reason to wear them. As embarrassing as it is sometimes I clean the house in them!

7. You always hear parents say that when they see/hold their child for the first time they fall in love. I figured they weren't lying but I had never experienced it. Granted I do not have children yet but the first time I saw/held my niece I fell in love and till this day despite the cranky attitudes, endless messes, and dirty diapers I cannot get enough of that girl!!!

Alright now is my chance to pass this along to others... I only closely follow a few blogs (a few well known blogs & then mostly friend's blogs) so here is the shout out to them!

VMuck's View

Kathryn

Alisonicole

Bitter Sweet

Today was my last time wearing my student nurse uniform. I still have a few clinicals left before I graduate but I am allowed to wear professional dress because they are psych clinicals. The whole white uniform apparently doesn't foster an inviting environment for the mentally ill. Can't say I blame them!

I can remember ordering the expensive things. I can remember trying them on for fun before I ever stepped in the hospital. I had that weird I am a legit nursing student feeling. I felt COOL in those bad boys. The newness quickly wore off as I got up every Friday at 5a.m. and patient's spit, blood, other bodily fluids ended up on them.

My uniform has seen a lot over the last six semesters and it was kind of nostalgic as I tossed them in the hamper this evening realizing this is the last time I will wash them.

In honor of my uniform (yes I realize I am a dork for doing this, oh well!) here are some pictures!

The night I was inducted into the nursing program.

My first day of clinical sophomore year.

My last "uniform" clinical of senior year.

In celebration of my last weekend clinical I ate 240 calories worth of Snickers. Totally worth it, don't judge! (I feel a little guilty seeing as I am just not sure I will work out tomorrow because I strained my back today but again why let that minor detail rain on my parade, right?)

Two stethoscopes?! A few weeks ago I lost my blue stethoscope. You're probably wondering how you can do that as a nurse but I'm here to tell you as a pretty responsible person that it IS possible. My patient kept pulling on it when I would assess him so I would place it to the side. Well I forgot I did that one day and left without it :( The next day when I realized it no one could seem to find it. I made it through four years of nursing school and seemed to manage to lose my stethoscope in the last eight weeks. Needless to say I rush ordered a new pink one because if I was going to spend that amount of money I was going to get one that is my favorite color. 

So I stroll into clinical yesterday and I'm charting when I look over at the rack of paper charts and low and behold but what do my blue eyes see? Yup! My long lost stethoscope hanging from the rack. I had to laugh because in my head I was thinking "seriously"?!?! I guess now I have a back up in case I happen to lose misplace my other one.

And now back to studying....

Rain Rain Go Away...

When it rains it pours, at least in Lynchburg that's how it seems to be.

It hasn't rained here for the last five weeks and people began to pray for rain because everything was drying up.

I think KNOW God heard the prayers. Funny thing about God, sometimes he answers in small ways and other times he answers in BIG ways. He choose the latter. 

Last Wednesday I got out of class a half an hour early which meant I would get to youth group on time for once! I rushed to the front door of DeMoss (the main academic building on campus) only to be bombarded with torrential rain (its been raining ever since). I'm talking the kind that is falling so hard and fast that the streets are flooded within minutes and you can't see in front of you. 

Normally I am a big fan of rain storms, especially when there is thunder but not Wednesday. See, when you're carrying a laptop and hundreds of dollars of books it kinda stinks to have to walk to your car in the rain. So I patiently waited. I checked every five minutes or so to see if it had let up. It hadn't. Then I had to remind myself that God promised not to flood the earth again because it sure seemed like that was what was happening.

Well after about a half an hour things were settling down a bit so I rolled up my pants, took my shoes off, and hid my books in my bag as best I could. Then I took off for the parking lot. 

I almost got ran over by a car.

I looked a hot mess. (More like a wet dog with make-up running down her face but we'll call it a hot mess!)

And as I approached my car what did my eyes see?  Two windows unrolled half way down.

I stopped mid-run and had to start laughing. 

It's been in the 90's here for the last week. No sign of rain. Typically I don't leave my windows unrolled but the gram car heats up like an oven if it sits in the sun for too long and since the locks don't work properly I figured if someone was going to steal her (ha, I hardly doubt of all the vehicles in the lot they would choose mine but you never know!?!) they could just open the door so I left the windows unrolled. 

Go figure it rained that day. 

Not only was I wet but now my car was sopping wet and as I turned the key to the ignition I just had to keep laughing. It's too late to get mad. And well I'm sure looking for the outside in its mildly funny. 

I was determined to make it to youth group still so I drove straight there. Twenty minutes later I arrived only to find out power had been knocked out at church so there was no youth group. That was the icing on the cake.

I'm not sure what got a hold of me, well actually I'm pretty sure it's the Lord ever so patiently molding my heart, but instead of lashing out in anger or frustration I was like "thank you Jesus, now I can go home, change out of my wet clothes and do homework!" Just the kinda thing a girl wants to do on a rainy day, cuddle up on her couch with a good book, or textbook in my case. See He knew!

Anyways, later that night I was thinking about the things God has been teaching me these last five weeks and the storm fit perfectly.

These last five weeks have been crazy. It's been a nonstop flow of school work and long clinical hours. Everyone said senior year was much easier but I'm finding that is NOT the case. I keep telling myself to take it one day at the time but in my heart I'm just wishing for December 17th to be here. Add in things on the gram car that keep breaking and a mountain of fees that need to be paid (graduation fees, boards, senior pictures, etc) and I feel like sometimes I'm standing in the middle of a storm. Things are beating down from all sides and its hard to muddle through the rising waters.

Sometimes in life God brings the rain and I feel like we try and rush through it. (You even notice how people run through the rain to get to their destination because they think they'll be dryer? On the contrary if you walk you'll be dryer when you get there. Don't believe me? Google it!) We want to get to the dry "safe" place as quickly as possible. In the end though we just end up getting more wet and being miserable.

Being wet makes you uncomfortable. The rain makes it hard to see what's coming next. And yet the rain brings refreshment and growth. That's the case for me. I feel as though God is asking me to walk through this uncomfortable place of life (trust me two days back to back of being on your feet for 12 hours is not the most comfortable thing). I may not know what is coming next. Most the time I don't. But if I just walk through it with Him I have full faith He will lead me to a dry place.

I have to remind myself this daily but its a truth I cling to.

A verse I was lead to the other day was John 16:33 (NLT) which reads "I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you WILL have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world."

The context of that verse is that Jesus is talking, rather preparing his disciples for his departure from earth. He is explaining how when they realize that he is Truth and grasp the magnitude of what he was about to do, lay his life down so that we might have eternal life through the Father, then they will have real joy. The kind of joy that only comes from a relationship with Christ.

I was sharing with my boyfriend the other day that too many times we let Satan use life's circumstances to steal our joy. He loves doing that. How many times have I allowed him to do that? Too many and I'd rather not acknowledge how often. Those circumstances, the drops of rain beating down on us, the ones that Jesus is talking about when he says trials and sorrows do not need to be joy stealers. You know why? Because Christ was victorious that day on the cross and He is coming again. This world is only temporary. Too many times I think we, myself included, forget that. Is it easy to get caught up in life's storms? Yes. But God is right there with us. Will you cling to him, regain that joy, and walk through this life with Him? I hope so. I'm learning slowly but surely to.


Ok now I'm going to get completely off subject for a second...at the end of June I talked about putting on my running shoes and waiting for God to bring a man into my life that was running full force after Him. Little did I know that guy was already in my life. You could say I was a little too stubborn or blind to realize it at the time. God worked on my heart and ended up blessing me with a wonderful boyfriend. He would probably be VERY embarrassed if he knew I was doing this but I have to give God all the credit on this one. I admire his passion for the Lord so much. It's actually what first attracted me to him. He pushes me daily to love Christ more and to be more like Christ. We haven't dated that long (some might say we're still in that "honeymoon" period) but its been a wonderful blessing so far. He recently came to visit me at school...here is a picture of us! Meet my Matthew.

Mr. Guillain Barre

One of my professors was talking about the things that nursing has taught her this past week in class. She said we may not always be thrilled with the assigned patients we get but instead of complaining she challenged us to find the purpose in the patient assignment. Either we will be a blessing to them or they will bless us. God has a funny way of doing that. In the little time I've spent at the hospital I've found this to be very true.

At the beginning of the semester I was assigned to a med-surg floor that I was not particularly fond of for my leadership hours. I had done clinicals there during junior year so I knew some of what I was up against. The floor smells awful; a mixture of stale urine and bad breath hits you as soon as you exit the elevator. The patients are mostly contact precaution patients, which means they have MRSA, VRE, or my all time favorite c.diff. and so I have to gown/glove up everytime I enter the room (total inconvenience). And the patients are fairly intense. Many are on ventilators, have PEG/feeding tubes, are incontinent, morbidly obese (I'm talking 300 hundred pounds and up), etc. Lets just say I may not have had the best attitude. Seeing as I knew I would be spending four weekends, a total of 96 hours, on this floor I immediately took it to the Lord. I was like "ok God I know you have me on this floor for a reason. While I may not like it I want to be the best nurse I can be. Maybe you're trying to teach me something, I don't know why you couldn't teach me it somewhere else! haha. Please help me have a good attitude and be your hands and feet to my patients."

Fast forward to my second weekend on the floor. I had two patients to care for by myself (don't worry a real nurse supervised my care). The first one we'll call Mr. I Don't Want to Stay in my Bed and the second was Mr. Guillain Barre. Mr. I Don't Want to Stay in my Bed is a older man who had an altered mental status secondary to a motorcycle accident. Severely confused he kept trying to get out of his bed. Normally this wouldn't be a problem except he was confused and couldn't really use the right side of his body. Somehow he had managed to sneak off the side of his bed the night before I got there and sustained a cut to his arm. That didn't deter this man from trying to get out of bed repeatedly during my shift. Oh add in his constant diarrhea for count 'em a straight 2 hours and I was very busy to say the least! 

Mr. Guillain Barre's wife was in the room with him and diligently was caring for his needs so I didn't do much for him except administer medications and monitor his status. Guillain Barre is an autoimmune disease that attacks your nervous system without warning. This poor man was driving his truck one day when he started to experience vision changes and numbness to his extremities. Hours later he was paralyzed and had to be placed on a ventilator to maintain his respiratory status. Because of the tracheostomy he was unable to speak but his wife had worked with him to mouth words. Although many times I could tell it was frustrating to communicate with me, lets just say I'm working on my reading mouthed words skills, he was very good at telling me what was wrong (he even knew when there were bubbles in his new IV line!). 

At the end of the second shift I went to check on Mr. Guillain Barre. His wife began to tear up as she shared with me that for the first time since her husband had been hospitalized I was the only one that actually talked to him. She was moved by the fact that someone actually took the time to talk and interact with her husband. I asked her what normally happened and she said the the nursing staff typically would come in the room do their necessary tasks and walk out. Side note I do not consider what I did those days to take care of Mr. Guillain Barre anything out of the ordinary but what a great testimony to Christ shining through me!

I'm not going to judge the other nursing staff but as she shared this with me my heart broke (we all know it doesn't take a lot to bring tears to my eyes!). See Mr. Guillain Barre has been in the hospital for a month. A MONTH! Patient care, the core of nursing, is well about ... patient care. I know I am not a nurse yet but the day I get so wrapped up with the things I have to do during the shift and forget about the patient laying in the bed is the day I should probably stop nursing.  

Anyways as I was driving home and talking with God this beautiful analogy came to mind.

As Christians we get so accustomed and comfortable with our relationship God. He is always there, right before our eyes, in our reach, but in the busyness of our lives we move about hardly acknowledging Him. Like those nurses we do what we "have" to but nothing more. We're satisfied with the dinner table prayer and the verse we read before we go to bed. We check those things off our to do list and carry on with other tasks. Communicating with Him takes time and effort on our part like it did with Mr. Gullain Barre. But if we take that time He will direct us in the right direction. Mr. Guillain Barre was able to tell me what was wrong and how to fix it if I just patiently worked with him. Too many of us just don't even bother communicating unless we NEED or want something.

I, like most Christians am guilty of putting God on the back-burner during the day because there is so much going on. BUT is that ok? Absolutely not. Just like there is a patient in the bed who is vying for the nurses attention God so desperately wants to spend time with us. Its necessary for the relationship to work. We shouldn't settle for the occasional interaction but rather work at making Him a priority. 

I want to challenge you to not allow life to get in the way of your relationship with Christ. Don't settle for the bare minimum. Isn't the reason we are on this earth to bring honor and glory to Christ? How can we do that if we don't spend time getting to know Him and allowing Him to transform us?

Just some things to think about. God amazes me how He uses my patients to teach me, and not just nursing skills. 

That day I believe He was sweetly saying:

Emily, I'm right here. I will not demand your time and love but I want it. 

Our God wants to spend time with us! How great is that? He has done so much for me the least I can do is slow down, take my time and enjoy being in His presence. And allow Him to teach and direct me. 

Catch Up

So I have come to realize that I am REALLY bad at this take a picture everyday deal. I have taken a lot more pictures since taking on the challenge but there are some days if I am being honest that I have forgotten so I have decided to change things up a bit; take a fair amount of pictures each week to capture what is going on in life. This takes the pressure off the stress of getting one EVERYDAY. So here are some from the last week and a half.

Playing on the jungle gym at the park with Morgan. And yes I am hanging on the monkey bar while holding her. I haven't gotten P90X back from a friend yet so I thought I would get some sort of arm workout in while playing!!

Friday nights are spent with the teens for a few hours doing a Bible study. The Bible study is great but I have so many laughs and get some extra quality time with the kids while driving them home. Mackenzie and Abby are two frequent riders and they sure know how to liven up a car ride! (Don't worry parents we were parked when this was taken, my full attention was on the road.)

Every so often I kidsit the Grundys so that Kim and Larry can have a date night. Friday night I spent time with the kids. My night consisted of making dinner, UNO, playing Wii, playing Rock Band (found out I am not so good at drums which squashed my dreams of being in a girl band), and sneaking behind a local hotel to find the perfect spot to watch the fireworks with the kids. Oh did I mention Cavan and I wrestled, a lot. I don't have brothers so wrestling is new to me but I held my own!

Morgan and I had our first sleepover. Even though we live together I have never had her alone for the evening. What did I learn? She is a bed hog and since I'm not used to having a child in my bed I did not sleep well. I woke up at every movement and sound haha. But it was a fun night and I look forward to when we can watch movies and have popcorn at our sleepovers!

Trouser went for a ride in the car. It had been a while since he has been in the car but I think he liked it. Unfortunately I had to wipe his slober off my window and I will have to vacuum his hair off the back seat. The joys of owning a pet.

Grandpa and Morgie. She's stylin' with her glasses. He likes to call her Miss Hollywood when she sports them.

These are my two girls. Rachel is on the left and Rajai is on the right. Rachel recently left the orphanage in Nepal so I have a new girl Ivona but I haven't recieved a picture of her yet. Rajai had me from the first moment I laid eyes on her beautiful blue eyes. She is deaf and lives in Burundi Africa. I would love to meet them someday. For now I love them from afar by praying and financially supporting them.

I went on my first mission trip as a leader. One of the highlights of the trip was to listen to Abby play worship songs on the guitar as the others sang along.

These were some of the inner city kids that were at my VBS table. 

Here's the gang in front of the church we helped at this past weekend.

Well there you have it. Hope you've enjoyed a glimpse into my world. More insight to come soon, I promise.

Project 365

So I came across Project 365 while reading someone's blog a while back. I decided that this was a fabulous idea (although I kinda wish I had found it for the beginning of the year, oh well). I find that as I've gotten older days just seem to blend into months and before I know it a whole year has past! So, when I found this project and I thought it would be really cool. You take one photo a day for a whole year. The photo can be of anything but should somehow represent your day or be significant to your life, that way a year from now you can flip back and see what you actually did, who you met, what was going on, etc!

I figured I rush through most days just looking for the end when I relax. Or my favorite is to rush through weeks just to get to the weekend, which is far too short if you ask me. Well, I DON'T want to rush through life anymore. I feel like I am not taking advantage of the precious time the Lord is giving me. And better yet I forget to appreciate the little things, the people and time right in front of me. No more! At least I'm hoping this project will help me appreciate life more.

The project seemed simple enough right? Yeah, I thought so. Except it is really hard to choose just ONE photo for some days because so much goes on. And then some days its hard to come up with a photo or I almost forgot to take a photo (and granted I've only done one week so far, haha) . Anyways, I started July 1, 2010. Here was my past week in photos.

JULY 1 - A girl at work called out so I spent the day on the phone instead of filing and occasionally answering the phone. A year ago I DESPISED the phone. I hated talking on it. At work I didn't feel confident enough to handle the calls. As far as my cell phone I just am not a phone person to begin with so add in awkward silences and that sets up a situation where I avoid talking on it. Funny how a year changes things. The phone at work doesn't scare me anymore. Bring it on patients, I can handle your "medical emergencies." As far as my cell phone, I'm getting better about answering phone calls and staying in touch with friends that way.

JULY 2 - I bought a pair of sneakers. This may not seems like a big deal but it is for me. I haven't bought a pair of sneakers in 9 years!!! I know, that's ridiculous. I love my old sneakers, Kathryn passed them down to me, they saw me through 4 Varsity USA/Summits and momentous occasions. Not until I was telling someone that I've had them since the 8th grade did I realize that it was probably time to give them up and get a new pair. Well I finally found a pair I like (I am very particular about my shoes so that is a HUGE deal) and they were on sale!

JULY 3 - We had Cami for the day so that Kim could get ready for their 4th of July party. I love Cami but large amounts of time with her can be draining because of her syndrome. There is a lot of repetition, frustration, and asking for food. It takes a lot of patience and love. With that being said, we had a good day and even took Morgan for a long walk to get some much needed exercise!

JULY 4 - My family was a party pooper this year and didn't do anything so Larry invited me over for a picnic. From being attacked with noodle squirt gun things, to spending time with the Grundys, Plungis', and Wallaces, to watching the small scale fireworks it was a good time. Here's Cody and Cavan loving on each other he.

JULY 5 - this is the day I almost forgot to take a photo! I didn't do much but these weird headaches/migraines have been plaguing me since I was in the car accident and sure enough I had one that day. I swear by Excedrin, knocks my migraines right out.

JULY 6 - I spent some time with Grams. She gets kinda sick of my Gramps sometime (I can't blame her, I love him but if I had to listen to him everyday I would not even put my hearing aids in in the morning!) and needs some girl company. So I went over after work and we had dinner and then played some Scrabble. I like to think its keep the Alzheimer's away by keeping the mind active!! Please don't hate on my scrub top, its not the most flattering thing!

JULY 7- Youth group at the beach. This picture was taken on a whim but I think it beautifully encapsulates what I want the kids to get out of youth group. First and foremost I want them to love God but then I want them to feel connected. To love each other. To strengthen each other. To lift each other up.

So there was my first week. I know this is not for everyone but I would challenge you to take a different approach to life and appreciate each day for the gift it is (yes, even those kick you while you're down bad days). 

I've Got My Running Shoes On...

now if only some guy would keep up!

In second grade Ritchie showed up on my front door to ask if I would be his girlfriend. I shut the door in his face out of utter embarrassment. Not my finest moment.

In the eighth grade I got asked out by Tommy who compared me to Osama Bin Laden (in reference to how sinful I was compared to Christ). Clever comparison, but not a winner with the ladies Tommy. I threw the letter away before anyone could read it and pretended it never happened.

In the ninth grade I had my first boyfriend, Alex. Dating was the thing to do and the relationship was exciting at first but I was not ready to be in a relationship. What 14 year old really is? So in my ever mature 14 year old way I thought if I ignored my boyfriend, who had gotten too clingy, he would just go away. Well he didn't. At least not at first. Eventually it ended.

My freshman year of college I started dating Evan. We lasted for close to a year and a half. Not knowing who we were, falling away from God, wanting different things, being selfish, etc. played a role in why it didn't work. For a year following the relationship we were off and on until I finally was honest with myself and him that God had laid it on my heart that this was not the best for our lives. It was a hard time for me because I thought I would marry this guy. In my mind I was saying goodbye to marriage, possibly permanently, and hello to trusting God completely.

This year has been kinda crazy relationship wise. My fifteen year old downstairs neighbor hit on me multiple times. He came upstairs one time to ask if I'd like his mom to pick me up some McDonalds on her way home because she was bringing him some. No, I am not making that up. He also invited to me to his apartment to help him make brownies because apparently the three steps on the back of the box were mind boggling and he needed someone to help him. Gutsy move on his part but in my mature 22 year old fashion I responded with two simple words; "I'm old" and relieved my second grade days by shutting the door in his face. I felt kinda bad for the poor kid.

A month or so later I was hit on by yet another fifteen year old at a youth event. He was part of the youth band and he so smoothly asked if he "could git my numba." With the kids in my own youth group laughing at the fact that this kid clearly didn't get that I was a leader (my leader shirt probably didn't give it away) I turned bright red. Just when I was starting to question how young I look or what kind of vibe I put out that attracts such young men I was hit on yet again at youth group this past week. A kid from a visiting youth group was using his high school boy charm to feel me out. Before I could cut to the chase one of the girls from my group cleared it up for him; "um, she's like done with college." Completely thrown off he was like "wow, you don't look that old. College huh? That's pretty sweet." Yes it is pretty sweet, but I have a feeling jail wouldn't be.

Throw in a blind date with someone I later found out was almost 9 years old than me. A random date with a kid who came up to me at Starbucks. Side note: my personal feeling is if you have the guts to walk up to me and tell me I am pretty and ask me on a date without knowing me than you at least deserve one date. Not loving Jesus as much as I do and looking like a Jonas brother unfortunately will not get you a second. Add an emotional roller coaster with a friend who was sending "I like you" messages for months and then dropped me all of a sudden for another girl leaving me crushed and you have my year. Can't say its been dull can I?

Why relive my "love life?" Well because as I have said a few times I am 22 and far from where I saw my life at this point. I always assumed I would be married or getting married and running off into the sunset to start our lives together by now.

God has been humbling me and teaching me to wait. I feel as though He is saying;


Emily, do you trust me?

Yes Lord. But...


No Emily, do you REALLY trust me?

Yes Lord. In my head I know that if I wait on your perfect timing you will bring me the BEST mate but getting my heart to truly believe that is tough sometimes.


I know sweet girl but if you wait on me I will bring you someone better than you could ever imagine.

Ok Lord, but this is really hard.


I am right here with you. Just trust me. 

Trusting the Lord to bring the right person at the right time should be easy, right? But its not. At least for me its not. I was emailing my older sister the other day and I was sharing with her what God was teaching me and I got real honest for a moment. It was hard to admit but I felt if I could just get it out and call it what it is then maybe I would be able to deal with it. Marriage has become an idol in my life. I think about it a lot. Thinking of marriage in and of itself is not wrong but when it consumes my thoughts more than God I have a problem.

My sister Kathryn is so full of wisdom and I thank the Lord for giving her to me all the time. She holds me accountable and always points me to Him. Can you tell I really miss having her around? Ha, anyways...she once told me that I should be running wholeheartedly after God and that one day when I least expect it I will look beside me and see a man worthy of my love because he too is running wholeheartedly after God. I didn't like it when she said that because that meant I had to wait. And lets face it I am not the best at having a quiet heart and waiting on the Lord. But as I sit here it is a beautiful picture that I remind myself of often.

I not only want to grow old with someone but I want to find a mate that I will be so complimentary to that others are drawn to Christ because of our relationship and someone I can serve the Lord with for life. Will it be worth the wait? Yes, I believe it will! Do I wish he would show up on my doorstep tomorrow? You bet. But for now I will pray and wait impatiently on my God who has my best interest at heart to bring a man I can only dream of into my life.

This is Kathryn and me last summer. For those who don't know Kathryn left in January for an 11 month mission trip where she travels with a team to a different country every month. Here is my plug for her...to read what she's been up to and what God has been teaching her head over here. And if you could support her with your prayers or financially that would be much appreciated.

Big Girl's Don't Cry. Or Do They?

When I was younger I can remember sitting on the couch watching movies or tv shows with my family and if there was anything remotely sad in it my mom was sure to be crying. Being the awesome and empathetic insensitive children that we were we would laugh at how silly it was that she was crying. She used to say "stop making fun of me, someday you will cry too." Being one that didn't shed a tear over the little things in life I just shook my head and said "never!"

It's kinda scary how right mothers are most of the time. God humbled me and proved my mother right on this one.

I remember the first time I cried in a movie, I was thirteen/fourteen. It was Pay It Forward. (WARNING : if you haven't seen this and plan on it don't continue reading) Well you know the part where Haley Joel Osment gets stabbed and then dies? I bawled like a baby. Afterwards I distinctly remember thinking how silly it was that I was crying over the fact that this kid died when he wasn't even real! But watching his mom bear the burden of loosing a child just broke my heart. I sat there thinking "man, mom was right. I've become her!"

It's kinda been down hill since.

I cry when speakers like Tammy Trent tell stories of how they lost their spouse unexpectedly. I cried till my mascara ran down my face and my eyes were swollen while reading Angie Smith's (author of the blog Bring the Rain) book I Will Carry You: The Sacred Dance of Grief and Joy as I felt the ups and downs of carrying a child that was deemed not able to survive outside the womb; and who didn't live but two hours. I cried in the movie Remember Me (again don't continue reading if you haven't seen this movie...seriously, its worth renting from the RedBox) when the character Tyler died. I didn't cry because him and the girl didn't get to live happily ever after but because his parents had already lost a son and now they lost a second in September 11th. That is just awful and while it is not a true story my heart still broke for those fictitious characters. I cry when my friends and family tear over heart breaks. I tear up when someone speaks too harshly or says awful things about me. I even teared up when my sister threw a "graduation ceremony" for a girl on her team that missed her graduation because they are on a mission trip (head over here to watch). You can tell from the clip that that ceremony, while completely ridiculous, meant the world to Glenalyn and that just touched my heart. Yes I realize that last statement makes me sound like a grandmother, don't judge.  Please don't get the wrong impression of me, I am not this crazy overly emotional girl that cries over spilled milk but the bottom line is I have been known to shed a tear or two quite often.

I have learned that God gave me an empathizing spirit, so when others hurt I feel deeply for them. I think this is partially what propelled me to go into nursing. That and wanting to wear pajama like attire to work, haha just kidding (sorta). In all seriousness I was wired to instinctively want to take care of people and fix their pain.

Sophomore year I was sitting in Fundamentals, a class where you learn the fundamentals of nursing (go figure right?!?). My instructor, a very nice woman and excellent ER nurse I might add, looked out at the sea of girls and two guys and stated that in the nursing profession there is no room for crying. Being a 13 year ex-Marine that might be an easy thing for her to stand behind but I was like "oh man I am in for it." I even told my roommate at the time, another nursing student, that if crying was not acceptable I wasn't sure I would make it.

As I've gained some experience with real patients and interacted with nurses I've learned its ok to cry. It should be behind closed doors where the patients cannot see of course. I think the day I stop feeling for my patients nursing becomes just a job, no longer a ministry.

Liberty’s program is centered on the premise that nursing is a ministry and not just a job/task. I think what my teacher was trying to get across that day to a bunch of inexperienced students was that being overly emotional in our care is not professional or in the best interest of our patients because it can cloud our judgment. Caring and compassion are welcomed but a sobbing mess that needs to be picked up off the floor not so much.

It’s a fine line to walk that I suppose only comes in time. I've quickly learned that I can be a source of comfort and light to my patients but I cannot fix their pain entirely (sure I can offer a pill for emotional or physical pain but that only lasts 6-8 hours). John 11:35 says "Jesus wept." Most people know it as the shortest verse in the Bible, and while it may be the shortest verse it says a whole great deal about Jesus. The word "wept" in this passage reveals that Jesus was expressing deep sorrow. He wasn't sad because Lazarus was dead, He knew that he would rise from the dead, He was saddened watching Martha and Mary grieve so deeply. Jesus can see the whole picture when we can't and yet He wept because He was essentially feeling the pain of the women who were near and dear to His heart.

So maybe big girls don't cry, they weep! I'm just sayin' Jesus did.

This Little Light of Mine

This is a story of how a little inconvenience and prayer made for what I call a "God situation."

Two weeks ago my beautiful and entertaining new roommate Katie came home one day from running errands around town because she couldn't seem to find her wallet. After searching the house and her car she just couldn't seem to find it. So I did what my mother used to do with me, I sat her down and had her walk me through the last time she can remember having the wallet in her hand. Your mama ever do that with you?

After reliving her day she came to the conclusion that when she went to get gas the night before, in haste she put the wallet on the top of her car and forgot about it when she got back in the car (at least it wasn't a baby, right?!?! seriously, that has happened). 

Hopeful she went back to the gas station to see if it was still there.

Nope. Life can't ever be that simple.

Discouraged, we prayed that someone responsible and honest would find the wallet and return it seeing as it had all her cards in it (student id, brand new license and debit card), her brand new check book, pictures, gift cards, her whole life, etc. You get the point. The situation sucked big time.

You know that feeling you have when you're missing something but just can't seem to find it? Well that pretty much is what Katie faced for the next day and a half. I joked with her one evening that I felt like things were going to start showing up one card at a time. She didn't find that too humorous. Well thanks to the wonderful world of Facebook someone contacted Katie and told her that they had found her Liberty University ID. As she jumped around I just smiled and said "one card at a time."

She quickly called the man back and explained that she had already ordered a new one but thanked him for contacting her. She found out that he had found the card on the busy road near the gas station Katie had lost her wallet at.

Trying to be a good roommate I volunteered to go search the road with her. We walked up and down the side of the road where we thought he had found the card but found nothing and returned home defeated.

I was washing the dishes when I heard the doorbell ring. Katie and I looked at each other as if to say did you invite someone over? I laughed and said "hey wouldn't it be funny if your wallet was at the door?" (Ok so maybe I'm not the funniest person ever).

Funny thing, it was the man that had originally found her LU ID. He had found her checkbook and wanted to drop it off! She graciously thanked him and got a better location of where the items were found.

Long story short we decided to head back out to roam the open road and see if we could find anything else. It was dark and I had to get up early the next morning to drive home but if it was me I would want someone with me so I volunteered to go with her again. This time I tackled one side and she tackled the grassy median. Two minutes in despite not seeing well she found a business card (she knew it was hers because it was from back home, MA). She held it up in the air like she had won the lottery and yelled for me. I decided to play Frogger (I'm sure mom would have freaked if she saw us running about the street at nine o'clock at night- don't worry we played safe!) and went for the center. Here was two white girls climbing around in the median at 9:30 at night with cars racing around us. I heard someone else's voice so I looked up and there was this older woman coming at us with this intensely large metal flashlight. Offering her flashlight services she began searching with us.

Thirty minutes later all three of us had walked up and down Timberlake road just talking briefly and finding cards ever so often. 

At the end of the night we had found almost everything, minus the wallet, debit card, and license (ok the big things but at least we found some important things!). Katie and I hugged Brenda and thanked her for her time. She gave us her number and said she would love to have us over sometime, seeing as we both are far from home she could be like our adopted grandmother.

Katie and I got in the car and I couldn't help but smile. Unbeknownst to Katie I had prayed to God a few days prior to her loosing her wallet that this summer He would help me establish relationships with complete strangers with the goal in mind that the majority would be non-Christians so that they could see Christ through me. Some may not see it this way but I believe Brenda was the beginning of the answer to that prayer.

Was loosing her wallet an inconvenience for Katie? Heck yes. But even Katie said had she not lost it, had Pete not found the card and contacted her, had we not gone back out in the pitch dark we would not have met Brenda. Brenda is this vivacious sixty something year old who cracked me up when she explained that she kept the heavy duty flashlight in her van in case someone tried to attack her because in her words: "I'm a nice Christian lady but if someone attacks me and its between me or them unfortunately I'm going to whoop them." We got a glimpse into her life that was centered on God and her grandchildren. In the brief minutes we talked she opened up about loosing her oldest son, 39 and frankly it just sounded like she needed some people in her life to talk to. Brenda's flashlight shed a whole new light on the situation in a sense.

Do I believe that God sent Brenda into our lives for a reason? You better believe it. I don't know exactly all the reasons why right now but God doesn't always give us the whys. Sometimes He just gives us opportunities, especially if we pray for them. 

I'm not so sure who reads this but if you are I'm going to challenge you to pray boldly for God to give you the opportunity to ------ (you fill in the blank). You'd be surprised at how God answers when we're willing. What's your God situation going to look like? 

Can You Take the Pressure?

You better believe I can! One of the first things we learned in nursing school clinically was how to take a blood pressure manually. It's funny how a year and a half ago taking a blood pressure was so "hard." Placing the cuff and listening for the sounds took all my focus. Now I could do it with my eyes shut and music blaring. Ahem, that MIGHT be an exaggeration ;) [Below I am sitting in my super cute uniform -that also might be an exaggeration -studying before clinical at the beginning of the semester.]

In all seriousness, I am sitting at the end of my junior year thinking back over the last two years and it's kinda crazy how far we've come. Many days it doesn't feel like I have learned a thing and then I think back to some of the first things I did and how scary they seemed (i.e. walking into a patient's room and introducing myself).

I should be studying for my pharm final tomorrow evening but I decided to take a break and reminisce a little bit. It helps keep my mind off the fact that people are leaving to go home and I will be stuck here for another three weeks taking a summer class....

I remember standing in my patient's room sophomore year getting ready to slide the bed pan under her when she asked me what her name was. I said "Miss Soandso" to which she replied "NO, what is my first name?" I could not remember what her chart said (granted when we do our patient profiles we only get initials and room numbers - I say that trying to give myself an excuse) for the life of me. I stood there slightly embarrassed and tried to guess based off her initial (can't say I didn't try, right?!?). What I learned that day was the importance of knowing my patient's name. They are people, not just a room number, and the decent thing to do is know their name!

This past year I was checking in on patients on my hall during lunch. You know making sure they were all sitting up and didn't need help opening anything. Well I poked my head into an elderly man's room (there is just something about elderly people that I find so darn cute so I love checking on them). I asked him if he needed anything to which he replied with "oh that was very nice of you. I think I'm just fine." As I went to leave he said in his sweet old man voice "actually darling if you don't mind handing me the phone and telling me the cafeteria's phone number I'd like to order dessert." Without thinking I handed him the phone and spouted off the number. Ten minutes (or so it seemed) later I saw the woman from nutrition services come up with his piece of cake. I finished what I was doing and then went in his room to check on him. The nurse was already in there asking him how he'd gotten the cake. Don't worry she wasn't yelling at him, rather astonished that this 90 year old had gotten around the system (me and the dietary services) and had himself some cake. You see he is a diabetic and was on a no concentrated sweet diet. What I learned that day was I should always check a patient's diet before becoming an accomplice and sending them into shock! Luckily his blood sugar was fine. Sneaky old man! I have a weak spot for cake so I totally understood and I couldn't help but smile as he flashed a big grin as I left the room.

I learned people can throw up feces. Yes you read that right, feces. My assessment skills told me that the foul smelling brown chunky stuff I was catching in my hands (don't worry they were gloved) was not typical throw up. I did not know what it was until a charge nurse came in to help the poor old woman who was in respiratory distress and looked at me and said "you know what that is right?" My eyes must have said it all because she responded quickly with "feces" and called for back up. My heart went out to the 94 year old who was on her way out of this world. My shift had ended but I couldn't leave her throwing this stuff up by herself so I stayed until the real deals came in and took over. I'm not sure what happened to this sweet woman who apologized to me for having to clean her up. I kept reassuring her that it was not her fault as I tried to hide my gagging. My heart broke for her though - can you imagine? Throw up is bad enough but fecal matter coming up through your mouth?!?!

I realized that I have been in school way to long and need a break when I told a story about my friend and referred to her as my patient. Or when I look at my electric mixer box I always translate "bowl rest" as bowel rest. Or when someone is talking about going to the bathroom and instinctually I want to ask the color (ha, I know gross). Or I start to tell a story at the dinner table only to realize it probably isn't much of a dinner table story. Or I wash my hands before going to the bathroom (even at home!). Or how about when I look at a member of the opposite sex I immediately look at their arms and check out their veins! (God gave men some great arm veins, that's all I'm sayin'!!!) My list could go on but I really should get back to studying. All I know is that I am READY for summer.

I'll leave you with this; one of my professors used the ever so quoted Philippians 4:13 "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" on the first day of class this semester. I wrote it down on a notecard and hung it on my missionary prayer board even though I thought it was a little cliche. I cannot tell you how many times I laid down at night starring at that silly notecard this last year repeating to myself that I could get through this because God had my back. Such a comforting thought eh?

Happily Ever After...

Behind each patient in a bed is a person who has a story. That story varies from pleasant, to adventurous, to sad and every combination in between. I'm the listening ear at the bedside who gets to enter their world (if only for a few hours) and step outside of mine.

While taking vital signs in the Outpatient wing at Virginia Baptist I came in contact with a man in his late 40's who was wheelchair bound due to a left leg amputation. This man was rough, both in his demeanor and speech. Can't say I blame him. Nonetheless I put on a smile and went about my business, ignoring his cynicism. As I prepared to walk out of the room he looked me in the eyes and said "Let me tell you something. I didn't drink, I didn't smoke, and I didn't do drugs. Yet I am the one who ended up in this chair without a leg." Being completely caught off guard and not knowing how to respond I tried to hide my shocked face and quietly said my goodbye as I entered the hallway. Aside from diabetes (the disease that unfortunately took his leg) this man was healthy but he most definitely was not in good spirits. No matter how kind I was the fact that he was very frustrated and angry with his current situation was NOT going to change. His life had not worked out the way he had planned and he most definitely was not going to get the "happily ever after" he wanted...

My roommates and I sat around the other day (ok when I say the other day it can literally mean the other day OR more times than not it means a while ago, anyways moving on...) watching trailers for four movies that will be coming out (or recently have); Valentines Day, Letters to Juliet, The Last Song, and Dear John. Those last two are based on Nicholas Sparks books p.s.. Naturally we got sucked into them because there is a romantic element in each of them and in movies you can ALWAYS count on happy endings.

For that brief hour and half I can escape reality and delve into the lives of these characters who are involved in fabulous relationships. I get to experience the highs and lows right along with them. And in the end everything works out! That's what everyone wants, a story that works out in the end. Unfortunately what we forget is that "chick-flick" movies are fiction. The character's actions and words are scripted. Now I'm not trying to sound like the stepmother from Enchanted when she refers to earth as the place where "happy endings do not exist" but I think especially as girls we get wrapped up in these fictitious men who have everything going for them and are so perfect and that's what we hold real men with imperfections up against. That's why our happy endings never look like the one's in the movies. We're holding them up against an unrealistic standard. I know I have made that mistake; wanting my life to look and feel like one scripted right out of Hollywood. But maybe, just maybe, the happy ending can be found. It may not necessarily be what WE wanted (or what we thought we wanted I should say). Maybe it's what He (God) lays out for us and I'm learning in the end that is much better. 

As nursing students despite the prognosis we are supposed to hope for the best. The reality of life is not everyone gets the happy ending they were hoping for. But God can use all circumstances for His glory. I fully realize it's a lot easier for me to sit here with both my legs and talk about how God can be glorified through my patient's pain and suffering. But my life hasn't been the fairytale I've longed for either. By no means does it compare to having suffered the loss of limb but God has taken me on a roller coaster in the last four years and not everything has been a picnic. There is a "happily ever after" and that's Heaven but until I get there I will just be living life the best way I know how; one step at a time, loving people along the way, and following God whole heartedly.

And now back to my reality which is studying for finals haha!