I've Got My Running Shoes On...

now if only some guy would keep up!

In second grade Ritchie showed up on my front door to ask if I would be his girlfriend. I shut the door in his face out of utter embarrassment. Not my finest moment.

In the eighth grade I got asked out by Tommy who compared me to Osama Bin Laden (in reference to how sinful I was compared to Christ). Clever comparison, but not a winner with the ladies Tommy. I threw the letter away before anyone could read it and pretended it never happened.

In the ninth grade I had my first boyfriend, Alex. Dating was the thing to do and the relationship was exciting at first but I was not ready to be in a relationship. What 14 year old really is? So in my ever mature 14 year old way I thought if I ignored my boyfriend, who had gotten too clingy, he would just go away. Well he didn't. At least not at first. Eventually it ended.

My freshman year of college I started dating Evan. We lasted for close to a year and a half. Not knowing who we were, falling away from God, wanting different things, being selfish, etc. played a role in why it didn't work. For a year following the relationship we were off and on until I finally was honest with myself and him that God had laid it on my heart that this was not the best for our lives. It was a hard time for me because I thought I would marry this guy. In my mind I was saying goodbye to marriage, possibly permanently, and hello to trusting God completely.

This year has been kinda crazy relationship wise. My fifteen year old downstairs neighbor hit on me multiple times. He came upstairs one time to ask if I'd like his mom to pick me up some McDonalds on her way home because she was bringing him some. No, I am not making that up. He also invited to me to his apartment to help him make brownies because apparently the three steps on the back of the box were mind boggling and he needed someone to help him. Gutsy move on his part but in my mature 22 year old fashion I responded with two simple words; "I'm old" and relieved my second grade days by shutting the door in his face. I felt kinda bad for the poor kid.

A month or so later I was hit on by yet another fifteen year old at a youth event. He was part of the youth band and he so smoothly asked if he "could git my numba." With the kids in my own youth group laughing at the fact that this kid clearly didn't get that I was a leader (my leader shirt probably didn't give it away) I turned bright red. Just when I was starting to question how young I look or what kind of vibe I put out that attracts such young men I was hit on yet again at youth group this past week. A kid from a visiting youth group was using his high school boy charm to feel me out. Before I could cut to the chase one of the girls from my group cleared it up for him; "um, she's like done with college." Completely thrown off he was like "wow, you don't look that old. College huh? That's pretty sweet." Yes it is pretty sweet, but I have a feeling jail wouldn't be.

Throw in a blind date with someone I later found out was almost 9 years old than me. A random date with a kid who came up to me at Starbucks. Side note: my personal feeling is if you have the guts to walk up to me and tell me I am pretty and ask me on a date without knowing me than you at least deserve one date. Not loving Jesus as much as I do and looking like a Jonas brother unfortunately will not get you a second. Add an emotional roller coaster with a friend who was sending "I like you" messages for months and then dropped me all of a sudden for another girl leaving me crushed and you have my year. Can't say its been dull can I?

Why relive my "love life?" Well because as I have said a few times I am 22 and far from where I saw my life at this point. I always assumed I would be married or getting married and running off into the sunset to start our lives together by now.

God has been humbling me and teaching me to wait. I feel as though He is saying;


Emily, do you trust me?

Yes Lord. But...


No Emily, do you REALLY trust me?

Yes Lord. In my head I know that if I wait on your perfect timing you will bring me the BEST mate but getting my heart to truly believe that is tough sometimes.


I know sweet girl but if you wait on me I will bring you someone better than you could ever imagine.

Ok Lord, but this is really hard.


I am right here with you. Just trust me. 

Trusting the Lord to bring the right person at the right time should be easy, right? But its not. At least for me its not. I was emailing my older sister the other day and I was sharing with her what God was teaching me and I got real honest for a moment. It was hard to admit but I felt if I could just get it out and call it what it is then maybe I would be able to deal with it. Marriage has become an idol in my life. I think about it a lot. Thinking of marriage in and of itself is not wrong but when it consumes my thoughts more than God I have a problem.

My sister Kathryn is so full of wisdom and I thank the Lord for giving her to me all the time. She holds me accountable and always points me to Him. Can you tell I really miss having her around? Ha, anyways...she once told me that I should be running wholeheartedly after God and that one day when I least expect it I will look beside me and see a man worthy of my love because he too is running wholeheartedly after God. I didn't like it when she said that because that meant I had to wait. And lets face it I am not the best at having a quiet heart and waiting on the Lord. But as I sit here it is a beautiful picture that I remind myself of often.

I not only want to grow old with someone but I want to find a mate that I will be so complimentary to that others are drawn to Christ because of our relationship and someone I can serve the Lord with for life. Will it be worth the wait? Yes, I believe it will! Do I wish he would show up on my doorstep tomorrow? You bet. But for now I will pray and wait impatiently on my God who has my best interest at heart to bring a man I can only dream of into my life.

This is Kathryn and me last summer. For those who don't know Kathryn left in January for an 11 month mission trip where she travels with a team to a different country every month. Here is my plug for her...to read what she's been up to and what God has been teaching her head over here. And if you could support her with your prayers or financially that would be much appreciated.

Big Girl's Don't Cry. Or Do They?

When I was younger I can remember sitting on the couch watching movies or tv shows with my family and if there was anything remotely sad in it my mom was sure to be crying. Being the awesome and empathetic insensitive children that we were we would laugh at how silly it was that she was crying. She used to say "stop making fun of me, someday you will cry too." Being one that didn't shed a tear over the little things in life I just shook my head and said "never!"

It's kinda scary how right mothers are most of the time. God humbled me and proved my mother right on this one.

I remember the first time I cried in a movie, I was thirteen/fourteen. It was Pay It Forward. (WARNING : if you haven't seen this and plan on it don't continue reading) Well you know the part where Haley Joel Osment gets stabbed and then dies? I bawled like a baby. Afterwards I distinctly remember thinking how silly it was that I was crying over the fact that this kid died when he wasn't even real! But watching his mom bear the burden of loosing a child just broke my heart. I sat there thinking "man, mom was right. I've become her!"

It's kinda been down hill since.

I cry when speakers like Tammy Trent tell stories of how they lost their spouse unexpectedly. I cried till my mascara ran down my face and my eyes were swollen while reading Angie Smith's (author of the blog Bring the Rain) book I Will Carry You: The Sacred Dance of Grief and Joy as I felt the ups and downs of carrying a child that was deemed not able to survive outside the womb; and who didn't live but two hours. I cried in the movie Remember Me (again don't continue reading if you haven't seen this movie...seriously, its worth renting from the RedBox) when the character Tyler died. I didn't cry because him and the girl didn't get to live happily ever after but because his parents had already lost a son and now they lost a second in September 11th. That is just awful and while it is not a true story my heart still broke for those fictitious characters. I cry when my friends and family tear over heart breaks. I tear up when someone speaks too harshly or says awful things about me. I even teared up when my sister threw a "graduation ceremony" for a girl on her team that missed her graduation because they are on a mission trip (head over here to watch). You can tell from the clip that that ceremony, while completely ridiculous, meant the world to Glenalyn and that just touched my heart. Yes I realize that last statement makes me sound like a grandmother, don't judge.  Please don't get the wrong impression of me, I am not this crazy overly emotional girl that cries over spilled milk but the bottom line is I have been known to shed a tear or two quite often.

I have learned that God gave me an empathizing spirit, so when others hurt I feel deeply for them. I think this is partially what propelled me to go into nursing. That and wanting to wear pajama like attire to work, haha just kidding (sorta). In all seriousness I was wired to instinctively want to take care of people and fix their pain.

Sophomore year I was sitting in Fundamentals, a class where you learn the fundamentals of nursing (go figure right?!?). My instructor, a very nice woman and excellent ER nurse I might add, looked out at the sea of girls and two guys and stated that in the nursing profession there is no room for crying. Being a 13 year ex-Marine that might be an easy thing for her to stand behind but I was like "oh man I am in for it." I even told my roommate at the time, another nursing student, that if crying was not acceptable I wasn't sure I would make it.

As I've gained some experience with real patients and interacted with nurses I've learned its ok to cry. It should be behind closed doors where the patients cannot see of course. I think the day I stop feeling for my patients nursing becomes just a job, no longer a ministry.

Liberty’s program is centered on the premise that nursing is a ministry and not just a job/task. I think what my teacher was trying to get across that day to a bunch of inexperienced students was that being overly emotional in our care is not professional or in the best interest of our patients because it can cloud our judgment. Caring and compassion are welcomed but a sobbing mess that needs to be picked up off the floor not so much.

It’s a fine line to walk that I suppose only comes in time. I've quickly learned that I can be a source of comfort and light to my patients but I cannot fix their pain entirely (sure I can offer a pill for emotional or physical pain but that only lasts 6-8 hours). John 11:35 says "Jesus wept." Most people know it as the shortest verse in the Bible, and while it may be the shortest verse it says a whole great deal about Jesus. The word "wept" in this passage reveals that Jesus was expressing deep sorrow. He wasn't sad because Lazarus was dead, He knew that he would rise from the dead, He was saddened watching Martha and Mary grieve so deeply. Jesus can see the whole picture when we can't and yet He wept because He was essentially feeling the pain of the women who were near and dear to His heart.

So maybe big girls don't cry, they weep! I'm just sayin' Jesus did.

This Little Light of Mine

This is a story of how a little inconvenience and prayer made for what I call a "God situation."

Two weeks ago my beautiful and entertaining new roommate Katie came home one day from running errands around town because she couldn't seem to find her wallet. After searching the house and her car she just couldn't seem to find it. So I did what my mother used to do with me, I sat her down and had her walk me through the last time she can remember having the wallet in her hand. Your mama ever do that with you?

After reliving her day she came to the conclusion that when she went to get gas the night before, in haste she put the wallet on the top of her car and forgot about it when she got back in the car (at least it wasn't a baby, right?!?! seriously, that has happened). 

Hopeful she went back to the gas station to see if it was still there.

Nope. Life can't ever be that simple.

Discouraged, we prayed that someone responsible and honest would find the wallet and return it seeing as it had all her cards in it (student id, brand new license and debit card), her brand new check book, pictures, gift cards, her whole life, etc. You get the point. The situation sucked big time.

You know that feeling you have when you're missing something but just can't seem to find it? Well that pretty much is what Katie faced for the next day and a half. I joked with her one evening that I felt like things were going to start showing up one card at a time. She didn't find that too humorous. Well thanks to the wonderful world of Facebook someone contacted Katie and told her that they had found her Liberty University ID. As she jumped around I just smiled and said "one card at a time."

She quickly called the man back and explained that she had already ordered a new one but thanked him for contacting her. She found out that he had found the card on the busy road near the gas station Katie had lost her wallet at.

Trying to be a good roommate I volunteered to go search the road with her. We walked up and down the side of the road where we thought he had found the card but found nothing and returned home defeated.

I was washing the dishes when I heard the doorbell ring. Katie and I looked at each other as if to say did you invite someone over? I laughed and said "hey wouldn't it be funny if your wallet was at the door?" (Ok so maybe I'm not the funniest person ever).

Funny thing, it was the man that had originally found her LU ID. He had found her checkbook and wanted to drop it off! She graciously thanked him and got a better location of where the items were found.

Long story short we decided to head back out to roam the open road and see if we could find anything else. It was dark and I had to get up early the next morning to drive home but if it was me I would want someone with me so I volunteered to go with her again. This time I tackled one side and she tackled the grassy median. Two minutes in despite not seeing well she found a business card (she knew it was hers because it was from back home, MA). She held it up in the air like she had won the lottery and yelled for me. I decided to play Frogger (I'm sure mom would have freaked if she saw us running about the street at nine o'clock at night- don't worry we played safe!) and went for the center. Here was two white girls climbing around in the median at 9:30 at night with cars racing around us. I heard someone else's voice so I looked up and there was this older woman coming at us with this intensely large metal flashlight. Offering her flashlight services she began searching with us.

Thirty minutes later all three of us had walked up and down Timberlake road just talking briefly and finding cards ever so often. 

At the end of the night we had found almost everything, minus the wallet, debit card, and license (ok the big things but at least we found some important things!). Katie and I hugged Brenda and thanked her for her time. She gave us her number and said she would love to have us over sometime, seeing as we both are far from home she could be like our adopted grandmother.

Katie and I got in the car and I couldn't help but smile. Unbeknownst to Katie I had prayed to God a few days prior to her loosing her wallet that this summer He would help me establish relationships with complete strangers with the goal in mind that the majority would be non-Christians so that they could see Christ through me. Some may not see it this way but I believe Brenda was the beginning of the answer to that prayer.

Was loosing her wallet an inconvenience for Katie? Heck yes. But even Katie said had she not lost it, had Pete not found the card and contacted her, had we not gone back out in the pitch dark we would not have met Brenda. Brenda is this vivacious sixty something year old who cracked me up when she explained that she kept the heavy duty flashlight in her van in case someone tried to attack her because in her words: "I'm a nice Christian lady but if someone attacks me and its between me or them unfortunately I'm going to whoop them." We got a glimpse into her life that was centered on God and her grandchildren. In the brief minutes we talked she opened up about loosing her oldest son, 39 and frankly it just sounded like she needed some people in her life to talk to. Brenda's flashlight shed a whole new light on the situation in a sense.

Do I believe that God sent Brenda into our lives for a reason? You better believe it. I don't know exactly all the reasons why right now but God doesn't always give us the whys. Sometimes He just gives us opportunities, especially if we pray for them. 

I'm not so sure who reads this but if you are I'm going to challenge you to pray boldly for God to give you the opportunity to ------ (you fill in the blank). You'd be surprised at how God answers when we're willing. What's your God situation going to look like?